Well I got an email today that DB somehow broke his phone. At least he emailed me and told me his new whereabouts. I almost wish I hadn't heard from him though because he closed the email with "talk to you soon". No I love you. No I miss you. Sometimes I wonder why I bother. And I also wonder why I keep my phone on me all the time when he is away, or why I check my email so often. It really only leads to disappointment. I had sent two nice text messages to him, one yesterday afternoon and one this morning, and never heard back, and he didn't mention them in his latest email either. I moved my whole life to be with this man. Doesn't that say a lot? I left a job that I was 6 months away from being there 10 years. I did these things for him. I wish I knew how much he appreciated me. Right now I feel so flung around. I have no where to go that is truly mine. And the one that I love is halfway across the world and I don't know when he's coming back or if he even cares to come back to me. He doesn't like when I bring up the fact that I gave up my life and job in CT to be with him, but I just wish I knew he would also sacrifice something like that for me, to be with me. I know it's fun being over in another country, it's fun getting to do what you always dreamed of and what you love (flying), but I feel so left out. I feel so left behind. It sucks being the one left behind.
Anyway... I really appreciate the comments I receive but sometimes it's hard to figure out who it is commenting. Unless you want to remain anonymous (totally fine), please leave your initials so I know who you are. Thanks.
3 comments:
That is very brave for you to just drop everything and head for the hills! He must mean so much to you for you to do this. You must remember ...the heart is where the home is so if he is your heart than his home should be yours.
*hug* I don't think I've ever met a military girlfriend, fiance, or wife who HASN'T felt that way at one point or another, so you're definitely not alone and I would also venture to say it's completely normal.
A lot of days I felt like the relationship was just me give give give and him take take take... and there were days I felt like you're feeling now as well, but hang in there! Remember that he DOES love you, he DOES miss you and he DOES appreciate you... sometimes you just have to remind yourself of that until they come around ;).
Sgt. and I talked about it when he got home, about how there were a lot of times I felt really rejected and underappreciated and it was hard and he apologized but tried to explain it to me like this: When he's away, it's a different world, and he is completely immersed in it, as often as he misses you or thinks about you, sometimes it's necessary to push it out of your mind in order to focus or you'll go crazy. When he would call or write or e-mail, he had to be in two places at once... here with me, and there and thats difficult to surrender yourself to. It's not a good reason, and it doesn't excuse the lack of communication, but it helped me see his point of view a little better. He never realized it hurt me that much though... which I'm guessing may be the case with you guys. Sometimes men are a little oblivious :).
Hang in there!! It gets better, I promise! *hug* - KJ
Oh boy oh boy, I've been there.
When I first moved down here to San Antonio, admittedly, I felt like he maybe owed me something. Like, "Look what I did for you! You should do something for me!"
After a while, I came to realize that in the scheme of our lives together, this isn't about what I do, or he does, it's about what is best for us. What gives US the best shot at making it another 70 years? And then I realized I moved just as much for me, as I did for him.
It's normal to get frustrated, especially when you're apart. But remember that he can't fix what he doesn't know is wrong. You can't over-communicate in a long distance relationship.
Keep your chin up! We're here for you!
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