Happy New Year

Everybody's got something they had to leave behind
One regret from yesterday that just seems to grow with time
There's no use looking back or wondering
How it could be now or might have been
All this I know but still
I can't find ways to let you go

I never had a dream come true
Till that day that I found you
Even though I pretend that I've moved on
You'll always be my baby
I never found the words to say
You're the one I think about each day
And I know no matter where life takes me to
A part of me will always be with you

Somewhere in my memory I lost all sense of time
And tomorrow can never be
'Cause yesterday is all that fills my mind
There's no use looking back or wondering
How it should be now or might have been
Oh this I know but still
I can't find ways to let you go

You'll always be the dream that fills my head
Yes you will, say you will, you know you will, baby
You'll always be the one I know I'll never forget
There's no use looking back or wondering
Because love is a strange and funny thing
No matter how I try and try
I just can't say goodbye

A part of me will always be with you...

Merry Christmas

I haven't posted in a while but boy do I have a lot to say. I don't have time now to write but I will say this...

1. My first "real" love got engaged on Christmas Day.
2. I haven't heard from my real REAL love in what seems like a long time.

But the best part about that is - I DON'T WANT TO HEAR FROM HIM!! I don't even want to see his face!

I guess I've reached the "angry stage". But I did get a Christmas card from him, which was closed "See you soon. Love, Matthew. My mom got a card too. In fact, oddly enough, I think he's talked to her more than he's talked to me lately. Well, we haven't even talked lately. I wished him a happy birthday on the 24th but neither one of us contacted the other on Christmas Day. And I'm so glad for that because it brings a little bit more closure.

Getting through Christmas without him was easier than I thought it would be. Although it was hard at times because I was supposed to be with him visiting his family and attending his brother's wedding. But if you know anything about his brother's new wife then you know I was much better off not being there!! So I am actually glad I didn't go!

I have some good news though. I went out on a date on Christmas eve and I have two more dates, with different guys, on Monday and Tuesday. Don't read too much into that - no it's not rebound and no I do NOT sleep around. To me it's more meeting up as friends than it is dating, but the word "date" sounds better :) At least I'm going out and having fun. Or trying to anyway.

Count your blessings...

 From the 1954 movie "White Christmas".

 When I'm worried and I can't sleep
 I count my blessings instead of sheep
 And I fall asleep counting my blessings
 When my bankroll is getting small
 I think of when I had none at all
 And I fall asleep counting my blessings

 I think about a nursery and I picture curly heads
 And one by one I count them as they slumber in their beds
 If you're worried and you can't sleep
 Just count your blessings instead of sheep
 And you'll fall asleep counting your blessings

Cabin Fever is going to kill me

Right now, instead of driving to Ohio with Matthew to visit his family for Christmas, I'm laying on a rock hard bed in my mom's guest bedroom listening to my brother play video games in the next room and watching a rerun of Oprah on a 13in television that doesn't have a remote. And it's snowing so I can't go out. Not like I have any money to go out anyway. Trust me, it's a lot more miserable than it sounds. But such is my life...

Hello Readers!

This post is dedicated to my long-time reader from in or around the Middletown, DE area. I'd love to "meet" you. Please email or comment and say Hi!

I'd also like to say Hi, and would love to hear from, another consistent blog reader... someone from the Dept of State in Washington, DC.

If you're a regular (and I know you're out there!) please come out and say Hey!

Recent Pictures

Saturday afternoon hanging out with the best girlfriends in the world...


Sunday afternoon baking Christmas cookies with Mom and sis-in-law...




Richmond, VA


Colonial Williamsburg, VA


Hampton, VA


National Museum of the Marine Corps
Quantico, VA


Mom's Christmas tree and Phoebe

Wish I could live by this...

Life is too short to be anything but happy. So kiss slowly. Love deeply. Forgive quickly. Take chances and never have regrets. Forget the past but remember what it taught you.

Happy holidays

Just when I think things couldn't get much worse, my car was broken into last night. The passenger door window was broken and my GPS and iPod were stolen.

Our plans

We had everything planned. And really, I do mean EVERYTHING. Here's some of it...

-Engaged before the new year.

-Married by civil ceremony in March (so we were legally married before he deployed).

-Real marriage ceremony and reception in September. In Philadelphia, because that is "where we fell in love". Location and date already picked. It was going to be a military wedding (unfortunately he spilled "the secret"). The bridesmaid dresses were going to be red, strapless, floorlength gowns. It was going to be a very, very, very subtle patriotic theme.

-Our dog was going to specifically be a golden retriever named Commodore Barry (which was picked for a reason). In September were were THISCLOSE to adopting a dog. We visited a shelter and fell in love with a puppy but it didn't work out.

- We were hopefully going to have two kids, a boy and a girl, Gunnar and Sklyar, respectively. Middle names were going to be Joseph (after my father's first name and Matthew's middle name), and Elizabeth (after several of my family's middle name and my middle name). We (actually he) bought a baby name book which helped us choose these first names. They both had meaning to us, or maybe more so to him but I totally loved it: he collects WWII rifles and restores them (Gunnar), and he's a pilot (Skylar.) I still love both those names.

-Our next home, in about 3 years, was possibly going to be Charleston, SC. It was perfect since it was one of his original picks before he got Dover, and my family is planning on moving to SC.

-He talked about maybe teaching at the Air Force Academy in Colorado Springs (where he went to school), so that was potentially where we'd live for an extended amount of time in the future.

We only made it as far as step one... me moving to Dover to live with him. You can see how it's been hard for me to let go. I'm a planner and I'm and even BIGGER dreamer.

In Virginia

I'm in Richmond, VA right now. I decided to take a trip to see the area because I need to move out of CT. I drove down yesterday and it took me six and a half hours, the longest I've ever driven by myself. It was quite boring but thankfully I planned it just right and avoided most of the D.C. rush hour traffic. Last night I met up with a friend of mine's cousin and her fiance who live here and they drove me around the city for a while showing me the different sections, the good ones and the ones to avoid. It seems like there's a really cute downtown section with tons of shopping and cafes, so I'm going to explore that area more today. There's also several hospitals so finding work here will hopefully not be too hard. I'll probably visit one of those today too. I'm leaving on Saturday and Matthew and I discussed me coming to Dover on my way back up, either to just stop by for a while and have dinner or to spend the night. What do you think? Bad idea, I know. He's so over it. I'm not over it. Not by far. So I want to go see him, especially since this is the longest that we've gone without seeing each other and if I don't see him now it'll probably be another month before I get another chance to see him. I wish I didn't want to see him anymore. I shouldn't go because I know it'll just be really hard being there and I'll end up an emotional mess and he does not want to deal with that since he has to prepare for a mission on Monday. I don't blame him. I don't want to deal with it either. Well, I have to get out of this comfy bed now and go look around this city that could potentially be my new home one day.