It's only been 45 days into this deployment and not only I am already feeling like we are in the thick of things (even though we totally are NOT), I've started to really have a chance to evaluate things and think about me and what I want. And what I don't want. And what the F*CK and I'm going to do?!?! Stressful to say the least.
I have to admit, there's a side to me that is so utterly bitter and angry, you do NOT even want to know the words I would like to spew out my mouth. They would be hurtful to some people and possibly things I'd regret spewing.
I don't know if I can do this. Or if it will be worth it. Or if I even want to. Who ever really knows, right?
Totally having doubts. Not feeling it. And honestly, wanting to get over it.
And just for fun, let's top it off a bit. Tomorrow I have an appointment for an ultrasound that will determine my future. Not only the future of me possibly having children, but of me being alive. Yes, it's kind of that serious. I told DB I have this appointment... which is veeerrrryyyyy long overdue and something he's been nagging me about for a loooonnnggg time ... and what is his response?
"Best of luck".
No. Best of luck to you, dude.
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