Normal or Not?

Does it always work like one good day, one bad day?  Totally in love and connected one day, disconnected and fighting the next.  Or is it just me, or just us?  One day I feel secure and alright, the next... lonely and terrified.  The good days seems to make the bad days worth it, but it's wearing on me already... or at least it's stressing me out that soon enough it's going to wear me too thin.  Soon enough... just the though of what's yet to come, and not knowing what to expect, makes me anxious and worried and very unhappy.  At least tonight I had a good cry.

Could it be?

We are just at the very beginning of this deployment, we have a long separation ahead of us... but both of us are feeling so much more in love than ever before!  We fought a lot in the weeks before he left, which is a real shame of course, but now it's like we are overflowing with love and appreciation.  Every text and instant message and email feels like a gift and phone calls are a dream... like we are falling in love all over again.

It's not fair!

To prepare for this deployment, for the last month or so I've been trying to find online support sites with information on how to make it through in one piece, stories and advice from others who have been through it, forums to "meet" others going through it now, ideas on how to stay connected... and I've found several wonderful sites with tons of information.  I've also been searching for new blogs to read and rediscovered some that I used to follow a few years ago (which, btw, is great to see where they are now).  One thing is continually disappointing... everything is about spouses.  EVERYTHING refers to spouses.  All of the blogs I've found so far are written by spouses, many also have children.  I just do not relate to this.  I'm not in the same "league" even though, really, I kind of am.  It's almost hurtful that girlfriends are not as important as spouses.  I will be enduring the same thing.  Granted we've only been together for a little over a year, I love my boyfriend as much as anyone loves their husband, I'm sure of that.  We share a home just like a married couple (except we are living in sin, shhhh!)  We are not new to this... in fact he's very near retirement year, although he won't be anytime soon... so I can't even relate to the other much younger girlfriends out there.  We don't live on or even anywhere near a post, but it's not like that matters anyway.  Some people not affiliated with the military have found out he's deployed and ask me how long he'll be gone... "a year?  that's not so bad, time will fly".  Excuse me?  Since when does a year just fly by?!  I get zero benefits, only exclusions.  It would be really nice to know that since I'm standing by my soldier that I'm important too, even if we aren't (yet) married.  I hate for this to sound selfish but I have to say it... It's not fair!

Update:  As soon as I finished writing this I realized, I haven't googled "army girlfriend" to see what comes up... too bad I did because what came up first in the list was a very inappropriate photo :(  I do not suggest googling those words.

Yikes :(

Blog change??

Update: I think for now I'm going to keep it just how it is... but I DEFINITELY need a blog name change!!  "Where Will I End Up" no long describes where I'm at in life... I've ended up exactly where I want to be :)

I've thought about regularly posting to this blog again but since my life is sooo different now, I've been thinking about creating a whole new blog... not sure if I want to get rid of this one with all my old posts or keep it because that was an important event in my life and I'm sort of continuing the military life now, except with a different man and in a different state.  Those posts are so irrelevant now, I'm a totally different person now, so do I want to be associated with something that isn't part of me anymore?

Oops let's switch it up again

It didn't happen back in October but it IS happening this month.  Yeah I can't say the specific day, but since the month is already more than half over, you can assume that it's happening soon.  And I'm not prepared at all.

It's finally happened

With just 10 days notice, I found out he's deploying.