Yikes :(

Blog change??

Update: I think for now I'm going to keep it just how it is... but I DEFINITELY need a blog name change!!  "Where Will I End Up" no long describes where I'm at in life... I've ended up exactly where I want to be :)

I've thought about regularly posting to this blog again but since my life is sooo different now, I've been thinking about creating a whole new blog... not sure if I want to get rid of this one with all my old posts or keep it because that was an important event in my life and I'm sort of continuing the military life now, except with a different man and in a different state.  Those posts are so irrelevant now, I'm a totally different person now, so do I want to be associated with something that isn't part of me anymore?

Oops let's switch it up again

It didn't happen back in October but it IS happening this month.  Yeah I can't say the specific day, but since the month is already more than half over, you can assume that it's happening soon.  And I'm not prepared at all.

It's finally happened

With just 10 days notice, I found out he's deploying.

Please note that all posts older than this one were written a couple years ago when I was a different person than I am now, in a different place with a different man.  I'm keeping them up only because it seems wrong to hide them because in a way they made me into who I am today, and since I'm again in a military relationship, they are somewhat relevant.

You didn't write. Did you think about me? Did you remember? It was my birthday. Today was one year exactly since we fell in love in Philadelphia. The best day of my life. Remember sitting on that bench, your arm around me, my head on your shoulder, that girl walking by and smiling at us? Where are you tonight? Are you experiencing that awful sand? I wish I could be holding down the fort for us, but I know you are a strong man, the strongest I've ever met.

Wow yesterday and last night was a complete disaster. I don't even want to write about it because I want it erased from my memory forever. What a way to spend my last day being in my 20s. The only possibly good thing that came out of yesterday was that I realized I am alone in this world. I cannot rely on anybody but myself. I am so disappointed I want to move away and never speak to anyone again. One day soon I hope to do that. Uhh, again.

It all seriously feels like a bad joke. Or like punishment. Yeah it must be punishment. Last night, sitting on a casino bench, all dressed up, by myself because the only friend who would come with me cancelled last minute, while the two family members with me were gambling, people walking by having a great time, me just sitting there trying sooo hard not to cry. It was like I was invisible in the world. Not like... I am.

So, I'm 30 now. And still alive, unfortunately. At times like this I really wonder about my purpose. No plans tonight for dinner or anything, no phone calls to wish me a happy birthday.

I am removing myself for my own protection.