Thanksgiving weekend

Hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving. I did.

Tomorrow I have an interview with a temp agency. Hopefully my over 3 month long work vacation is coming to an end. I seriously need to start making some money. I haven't been on an interview in over ten years so I'm just a wee bit nervous.

Let me tell you something that I learned last night... it CAN be too early to start dating again...

Me + too much beer + a guy who is not Matthew = Stupid drunk-texting and one unappreciative ex-boyfriend.

Definitely won't let that happen to me OR him again. Thankfully he's a very forgiving person.

Video

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nyrSjN3M9oQ

Really moving on now

Well we ended up talking but it wasn't very enjoyable. It was short and friendly enough though. I'm just sooo tired of it. I don't want to get back together with him anymore so I'm just really wanting to move on. Of course that's easier said than done, especially in this case. I am so glad he is gone for the next four days. That will give me a break from thinking about him and if we're going to talk or if he's going to text me or email me. You know it never would've worked out with us anyway because of his job. I want a boyfriend who lives in the same town as me, who can plan a weekend away with me and not risk having it cancelled at the last minute because of a mission. I didn't like not being able to really do anything boyfriend/girlfriend-ish with him. Everything revolved around the air force. So the relationship really would've ended eventually anyway. We can't meet each others needs. It's just too bad that I didn't realize this before I moved! I thought that maybe we could get back together some day, and I know he hoped for that too, but I don't believe it's possible. Maybe we can become friends one day, but even that I don't believe can happen. We've been through too much. We just need to part ways. This afternoon when he called he said that he'd like to get together the weekend after Thanksgiving. I said I wasn't sure and that we'd see when the time gets closer, but really I'm not interested. What for? He said to do some shopping and I guess Christmasy stuff like look at lights and stuff. I don't want to be friends right now, so there is no point in hanging out. Especially for a whole weekend. I want to start going out on dates and put him out of my mind. Not as a rebound thing, but just for fun and to remind myself that just because he doesn't want me doesn't mean I'm not wanted.

Time to move on

Okay, I'm going to post this here so everyone can read it so I don't have to explain this more than once.

We aren't talking right now. Yes, we had a good weekend, but I need to focus on my life right now and I was having a really hard time doing that while still talking to him. We agreed that we would talk again eventually, because we don't want to never speak again, but right now there has to be no contact. I even deleted him off facebook and eharmony (yes, that is how we met for those who didn't know).

Now I have to go out and find a job (or two) so I'm not wasting away bored all day.

Lesson learned here:
Never EVER move in with your boyfriend. Big mistake. Big. Huge. (Pretty Woman quote, get it?! I've always wanted to say that, haha!)

Weekend recap

So we went back to CT Friday afternoon after he was done with his testing and just relaxed at the house the rest of the day and then had a nice dinner out. Saturday we decided since it was raining that we'd just hang around here and do some things indoors... browsed around the mall, saw the new James Bond movie, and went to the billiards club to play some pool. Sunday we lounged around the house again for a while then finally got dressed and headed down to NYC for a few hours. We walked around Times Square and had dinner at the Hard Rock Cafe. It was a nice weekend. Here's some pictures from last night...

Weekend together

Right now I'm sitting in a hotel room in NJ. Matthew has some testing to do at McGuire so I came down yesterday to hang out with him. It's been well over a month since we've had a normal weekend together, and a little over two and a half weeks since we saw each other last. It felt weird seeing him again. Like it was new or something. There was a lot of hugging when I first got here but for some reason I felt awkward. Things are definitely different between us now; it feels like there is a space between us. Hopefully that is a good thing. This morning at breakfast I was introduced to another pilot as "this is Sara". Not, "this is my girlfriend, Sara". Well, it's true, but it still felt weird to hear.

I'm going to hang around here until he's done and then we're going to hopefully spend the rest of the weekend in Rhode Island. Yeah... plans changed. It's supposed to rain all weekend so instead of going to NYC he wants to go to RI. We'll be walking around in the rain either way, but I'm sure we'll have a good time no matter what we do. I'm not getting my hopes up or expecting anything to happen... we broke up and we're hanging out as friends. That's it.

I...

I am... moving on.
I think... way too much into things.
I know... that there is someone out there that really is meant for me.
I want... to not want.
I have... an opportunity to start over.
I wish... I could decide what I want to do.
I hate... these last couple months.
I miss... having a boyfriend.
I feel... like things are slooowly starting to get better.
I hear... the tv and my dog snoring.
I smell... my clean hair.
I search... for love. And I'm done searching.
I wonder... where I'll be in one year.
I regret... moving to Delaware.
I love... my nieces.
I care... about living "green".
I always... seem to make the wrong decision.
I am not... making the same mistake again.
I believe... God will work things out in his time.
I dance... tap dance.
I sing... in the car like I'm a star.
I don’t always... consider the facts.
I write... a lot in my journal.
I win... when I put all my effort into it.
I lose... everything. I'm messy.
I never... really listen to God.
I listen... to my desires, unfortunately. (but this will change)
I can usually be found... lounging in bed. I'm a bum.
I’m scared of... not living up to my potential.
I read... not enough lately.
I forget... to pay my bills until they are like a day late.
I just... talked to an old friend.
I am happy about... possibly moving to South Carolina.

I got... this from Loquita's Blog! Feel free to also steal it!

Happy Veterans Day

Especially to you...



And to my dad, who told me this morning that he decided to join the Navy after watching a late night movie with Mickey Rooney. I thought that was too funny!


And also to my cousin Chris who is in the Army. So proud of him.

Starbucks story

Yesterday I was in Starbucks and saw something that is a very unfamiliar sight around here - a soldier wearing camo. Of course my eyes went right to him, as I assume everyones did. I felt silly for wanting to give him a "knowing" look, like, "yeah what's up we're in the same club" kind of look. And I could have sworn he had some kind of hat on too and right as I noticed him it looked as if he was taking it off (although he was already in the back of the store and sitting down eating), so I immediately thought - take your hat off! Haha. In Dover, as you can expect from living in any military town, this is a very familiar sight, and people in uniform look as natural as anyone else, be it in Target or the supermarket or wherever. It was not uncommon for Matthew and I to run errands with him still in his flight suit. But here? It's very out of the ordinary.

So this reminded me of the time that Matthew and I were here and heading back to Dover but we had to first make a stop at McGuire AFB in NJ for a class or something. So of course he had his flight suit on. And of course I wanted to stop at Starbucks, and he insisted on coming in with me. I was like, "What?! People are going to look at you funny! Don't put your hat on!" (which he INSISTED he had to do while outside, yeah yeah I know). "We don't see military people around here, they aren't going to know you are a pilot in the Air Force!!" Yeah I was a bit self-conscious, but he came in anyway and I was just hoping that someone would notice his patches and combat boots and realize he's military and NOT a janitor! If you've ever seen a flight suit, they are not the most attractive things and I am not the one who called it a janitor suit!

Anyway, just thought I'd share that.

He's coming to visit next weekend. We are so back and forth, coming and going, fighting and getting along... we are both so f-ing sick of it and just want to be happy and together. And those were his words. So even though we are still broken up, we are taking it one day at a time, no more talking about the future, just enjoy each day. Then, when we are both ready, hopefully we can get back together (again his words). We're planning on doing something special, probably a day in NYC since he's never been. I am really looking forward to seeing him and I know he is me, too.

"Free to see other people"

Does that sound like "the end of the beginning"? I don't think so.

It's over.

As John Mayer says...

Now I'm gonna dress myself for two
Once for me and once for someone new